


Crazy Stupid Love

by Yojimbra



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-16 23:44:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13064670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yojimbra/pseuds/Yojimbra
Summary: Gaara is insane, murderous, crazy, and generally anti-social. Fortunately for him Naruto is Dense, stupid, and has balls bigger than her brain. which isn't saying a lot considering that she's dumb enough to think dating Gaara is a good idea. Now the world needs to deal with the fact that Naruto and Gaara are dating and try not to lose their own sanity along the way. Fem Naruto!





	1. Untouchbly touchable

At first, Temari thought absolutely nothing of the blonde stupid looking girl. Well, that wasn’t true, she thought that she was an idiot and that she had no sense of still considering how she was wearing a jacket one size too big, and shorts one sizes too small. Then there were her ponytails, they were uneven - drastically so - with one ending at least a foot higher up than it’s twin. 

And then this colossal moronic idiot decided to talk to Gaara of all people. Konoha might thank them for killing off such an idiot, as to how she made genin Temari would never know. 

“Hey!” the shit blonde girl that proclaimed herself as Naruto - Seriously? A fish cake? - marched up to Gaara, practically getting right in his face. Then the idiot, pointed at Gaara, her finger inches away from her brother’s face her other hand was on her hip like she had something to be proud of -The girl either had no brains, or was brave to the point of stupidity. Probably both.

The sand was already beginning to swirl. 

Gaara in his infinite social graces growled. Yep, looks like today she was going to be spending it trying to explain why her brother murdered a Konoha ninja. 

“You’re kind of cute!” Naruto dropped her finger and smiled so wide Temari could have sworn she saw all thirty-two teeth and then some. The girl’s left incisor was elongated to a ridiculous fang that sometimes stuck out of her mouth. 

But wait, did that girl just call Gaara cute? This is what they called survival of the fittest at work. There was no quicker way to die than to try and flirt with Gaara. Probably, not that anybody had ever tried, most people don’t get past the whole ‘talk to me and I’ll kill you’ vibe he gave off. 

“I am?” Gaara asked, he stopped growling. 

Temari felt her mouth drop. She looked to Kankuro, who was trying to dispel a genjutsu. That was probably smart. There was no way this was real. There was no way that Gaara was being flirted with, there was no way that he was talking to somebody that was flirting with him, there was no way that any of this was real. 

“Yep,” the girl took a step closer to Gaara, eyeballing him closely like she was inspecting a piece of meat. “That settles it, you’re my boyfriend now!” 

Naruto then grabbed Gaara’s hand. Grabbed his hand, as in full on hand to hand touching, like a physical touch. This blond girl from Konoha was the first person to physically touch Gaara in nearly two years. 

Even crazier was the fact that Gaara wasn’t even trying to kill her! The sand was even going down. “I am?” 

“Yep!” Naruto tightened her hand around Gaara’s and began to pull him down the street. “Come on Gaara right? Let’s go get ramen!”

“Okay,” Gaara said as dry as the desert. And then they were gone, Naruto leading a complacent Gaara away from both of their teams. 

Temari blinked and rubbed her eyes. Nope, she didn’t fall asleep, she pinched herself, No she was very much still awake. “Did that just happen?”

“I think so.” Kankuro looked at his hands, as he tried to dispel whatever genjutsu they were under for the umpteenth time. Then his jaw dropped and a look of horror spread across his face. “Wait does that mean that Gaara got a girlfriend before I did?” 

“That’s what you’re concerned about?” Temari slugged her brother in the arm. Hard. 

“Umm,” The pink haired girl that was the blonde girl's teammate, said walking up to them, she was at least slightly well kept. But far far far too girly to be called a ninja. “Sorry about my friend, I kind of told her a while ago that if she kept acting like a tomboy that she’d never get a boyfriend. Even if she is the Hokage’s daughter.”

Hokage’s… daughter? Temari felt her heart speed up faster and faster. Was this what a heart attack felt like. What if Gaara killed the Hokage’s daughter? There was no way that was going to look good! They might go to war early and there goes surprise attack, and not to mention they’re entire advantage! 

“Are you okay… I’m sorry I didn’t get your name, I’m Sakura by the way.” Sakura said, in some measurement of concern. “I’m still in training, but if you require medical aid I can provide some.”

Temari clutched at her chest. “Temari; and umm no thank you Sakura, I just need to go uhh discuss something in private with my brother.”

“You do?” Kankuro asked. She quickly punched him in the exact same spot she did moments okay. “Oh okay, you need to talk to me no need to hit me.”

“Nice meeting you Sakura,” Temari waved at the girl as she began to drag Kankuro away. Once she was at least fairly certain that no more Konoha ninja was going to eavesdrop she stopped and let out a sigh that aged her by twenty years. “We need to make sure Gaara doesn’t kill Naruto!”

“Why?” 

Of all the stupid questions! Temari resisted the urge to strangle him and let out a low growl, glaring at her apparently idiotic brother. “Didn’t you hear that girl? That blonde girl that just ran off with Gaara, our murderous psychotic little brother whose hobbies include, murder, murder, building sandcastles, and murdering, in case you forgot. Is the daughter of the Hokage!”

Realization came over Kankuro, thank god her brother wasn’t as empty-headed as his puppets. “And if Gaara even so much as hurts her we’ll be kicked out of the exams, which means the whole plan will be ruined.”

“Exactly, Now come on it's not too late to find them.” 

XXXX

They were doomed. Not just any kind of doom by advanced doom the kind of doom that could be felt in her very bones. They had spent more than enough time looking for Gaara and Naruto for him to have killed her, killed all the witnesses and contemplate it long enough for him to consider that hiding the bodies might be smart. 

And they couldn’t find them at all! It didn’t help that they had no idea where someone would go on a date in Konoha. Let alone where the ramen stands were. And asking would just make them look suspicious. 

“We are so screwed,” Kankuro said finally taking out one of his puppets to tinker with. 

Temari grunted from her face down position on the Couch. At Least Konoha had really nice Hotel rooms. Shame they were either going to be killed as retribution for the death of the Hokage’s daughter (Seriously why didn’t that thing have bodyguards or something? It clearly wasn’t smart enough to be out on its own.) “Do you think we should get a head start?” 

“I doubt we’d get very far, her dad is called the fastest ninja alive for a reason.” 

Right… why were they doing this again? Konoha not only had the fastest ninja alive, but they also had the only Kage to successfully retire. That was probably more impressive actually. Great, now she was afraid of a retired ninja. “How about we go into hiding?”

“Oh I have a better idea, if we draw some whisker marks on your face you can act like the girl, you’re both blondes. Sure you’re taller and you have different color eyes, but your personality is similar enough.”

“Please tell me you did not just compare me to someone dumb enough to try and be Gaara’s girlfriend.” Temari threw the pillow she was resting on and hit Kankuro in the face with it. She regretted it now that her face was resting against the slightly less soft and colder cushion of the couch. 

The door slid open. And in walked Gaara, his face the usual mask of emotionless murder he always wore. He walked calmly towards his own room and began to rummage through his meager belongings. 

“Gaara?” Temari asked sitting up, once it was apparent that he wasn’t going to be killing them. He was more or less safe to talk to. He even grunted in acknowledgment. “Where were you?”

Gaara turned to give her a blank uncaring look before he shrugged and continued to rummage through his clothing. “With my girlfriend.” 

“I see….” Temari said feeling her heart race. “And she’s still alive?” 

Gaara looked at her again, he was glaring now. He couldn’t be unamused with her because he was never amused with her in the first place. “Yes… I’m not going to kill my girlfriend.” 

What the fuck? Wait. No what? How… Gaara… He… They… What? Temari felt her mind twitch as her brain tried to push itself out of her skull by ramming it at full speed. No really! What on earth was happening! “Well that’s good, you do know that she’s the Hokage’s daughter right?”

“And I’m the son of the Kazekage.” Gaara didn’t even look back at her as he continued to dig for something. When at long last he pulled out what looked like a towel and spare change of clothes. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Temari stood, up, and blocked Gaara’s path to the door her knees were shaking and she could feel her heartbeat in her fingertips. “Where are you going?” 

“Naruto wanted me to take a bath, then I’m going to spend more time with my girlfriend,” Gaara said. He looked up to his sister, as though contemplating how to remove her from his path. 

“But what about the mission?” Temari was in full panic mode. She had no idea what she was doing. Or even what the hell was going on! Next thing she knew she was going to end up dating that pink haired girly-girl! Or Kankuro would end up gay for some flea-bitten bastard! Hell both of those things were a thousand more times likely than Gaara having a girlfriend!

“Oh, I’m not going to attack Konoha,” Gaara took a step to the side leaving a stunned Temari in his wake. “It would make Naruto upset.” 

Yep. They were dead. Very very very dead. 

“Fuck,” Kankuro swore. “What do we do now?” 

Temari slumped and buried her head in the couch once again. “Defect to Konoha? They have The fourth and third Hokage, A bunch of super awesome ninja, and now they have Gaara too… oh, and whatever the hell Naruto is.”

Kankuro nodded. “I guess we should make sure Gaara doesn’t accidentally kill Naruto then huh?” 

Temari ran a hand through her hair. She wanted to cry. She wanted to cry so much. Why did she have to be born into this family? Why did her father have to seal a demon inside of her brother? Why couldn’t she just be born as some dopey little farm girl?


	2. Chapter 2

They were so dead. So very very dead that she might as well be carrying around a tombstone and people would just think that a zombie was moving to a new graveyard. 

Temari tried to breathe calmly. Tried to rationalize that it was perfectly normal for them to be summoned to the Hokage’s office before the exams began. Maybe he was doing that to all the teams and he just finally got to them, but that would take long. Maybe it was because they were the children of the Kazekage and he was just now getting around to giving them a proper diplomatic meeting? No that would have happened sooner than now. 

Temari looked at her brother Kankuro; he was either unaware of their current situation, or had finally snapped and had accepted the inevitable fate that they were going to die. 

Gaara… Gaara on the other hand just glared forward, his teal eyes unblinking. Gaara was already insane so expecting him to act like a normal human was like expecting rain in the desert. 

Even if he was the only one of them to actually be in a relationship. 

Wait no! This was not the time to be even remotely jealous of her littlest brother’s ability to enter a relationship. Especially since that was what was going to end up killing them!

“We’re here,” Gaara announced, as they stood in front of the Hokage’s doors. 

They had gotten this far and hadn’t run into any Konoha ninja, nor had they even been escorted. Was it due to laziness? Or maybe cockiness? Or perhaps the Hokage simply didn’t need guards. 

In Suna, there was always somebody there to announce whoever was entering their father’s chambers. But here there was nothing, just a single door with no markings on it. The only way that they even knew it was the Hokage’s door was because it was on the top floor. Should they knock? Maybe they could just leave? Nobody was forcing them to…

Gaara walked forward and slammed opened the door. 

“Oh! Welcome!” the sound of falling books and ruffled papers sounded from inside the room. “Please come in, and don’t mind the mess!” 

In Suna, sand got everywhere. It was in their water, in the air, in their food. Once when she was a child she gathered up all the sand in her father’s office and managed to build a sandcastle. 

In the Hokage’s office, instead of sand, there was paper. More paper than she had ever seen at once, even when she had to do some filing for her father and had begun to look through old paperwork that needed to be kept. The floor was covered in paper, with the walls being covered in various parchments all flopped and turned at odd angles, some were three sheets. Symbols lines, words, and sketches connected the papers in such a way that turning or removing a single one would create a whole new design. 

And staring at one caused a slight headache. 

“So sorry!” A blond man fell from the ceiling, he was tall but not incredibly so, his form was lieth and wiry and ink stains covered his hands and face. He scrambled up a large smile on his face and twinkling blue eyes hid behind large rimmed glasses. The relation was plain to see. This was Naruto’s father. Same blond hair, same blue eyes. 

But was this really the Hokage? He looked like a nerd! 

The man jumped up from the floor, moving quickly and shuffling up the carefully laid up papers with every footfall. “Please please don’t mind the mess.”

He shook Kankuro’s hand with both of his and bowed deeply far too deeply for a Hokage to reasonably bow. Then her own hands, apologizing with every movement. Once again, Temari witnessed a blond haired idiot shake Naruto’s hand. And not die. 

“I’m Minato, it’s really quite nice to meet you all!” He laughed scratching the back of his head. “Sorry, I know that I asked you to come here and everything but I got a bit preoccupied with a project, and well when I get an idea I just kind of have to do something with it!”

Was this the Hokage? “Umm, why did you call us here sir?”

“Oh right right right!” Minato walked around his desk, nearly slipping on the paper covered ground. He looked at a photo on his desk and smiled at it, he sat it down facing them. It was of Naruto. “I called you all here to talk about this.” 

Shit fuck dammit! Wait, this didn’t seem all that bad. Maybe he was happy that a deranged psychopath was dating his idiotic daughter. 

Minato snapped his fingers, the small sound boomed, and echoed three times. The papers had vanished as though they had never been there, the clutter and chaos vanished, even the air was different, crisper, and with a slight chill to it. 

Minato himself was different. Gone was the look of the disheveled artist, the ink stains and his glasses were gone, replaced by the hat of the Hokage, and a jounin vest. His eyes lacked the warmth and cheerfulness he had just moments ago, replaced with eyes that could freeze the sun. 

This was the Hokage. 

“I understand you have entered a relationship with my daughter.” Minato folded his hands in a pyramid so that they blocked his mouth. 

“Yes,” Gaara said his voice like a desert wind, dry, calm, and carried little if you wanted it there or not. 

He didn’t even deny it!

Minato pointed at Gaara, hands folded together. “I want you to break up with her.” 

“No,” Gaara said the sand around him began to roil. 

This was bad this was very very bad! Why on earth was Gaara so attached to that dumb little girl? Who cared if she was the only one insane enough to try and date Gaara? There were other fish in the sea. Well maybe not for Gaara but he could find a nice sane girl and then force her to be his girlfriend. What was it called again? Oh, yea Stockholm syndrome!

“I see,” Minato tapped his nose with his two pointer fingers. “Well then, allow me to make sure you understand the terms. Either break up with my daughter, or I make you disappear. You’re standing in my office, after all, it might not be big or fancy, but as you have seen I can change it in a heartbeat.”

A cruel smile appeared on Minato’s face. “Did you feel the air when I first switched over? That subtle chill? That was because I swapped rooms late in the evening and the air remained the same, that’s because when you seal an object time stops, have you ever wondered what would happen if you sealed a person? I’ve always wanted to find out.”

He extended his fingers forward, ready to snap at a moments notice. “So I’ll tell you one more time. Break up with my precious baby g-”

The window exploded, and a red thunderbolt slammed into the Hokage, knocking him into the wall where he cracked the wood with a satisfying crunch. 

A terrible beast loomed over the Hokage, blood red hair swirling like plums of smoke on a dry windy day. Purple eyes carried with them a glint of wrath that could spark a war between even the most peaceful of men. The woman that carried these features like dogs of war barely held onto their leash was slender and unmistakably beautiful in her appearance. 

She grabbed Minato, slamming him up against the wall. “What the hell do you think you’re doing Minato!?”

“Oh hey, honey I was just,” Minato gasped trying to grab his wife’s hand in a vague attempt of regaining his ability to breath. “You know doing the whole father’s duty thing and protecting our-”

“Our daughter doesn’t need protection!” She growled pushing him up against the wall again, looking more like a rabid beast with every passing moment. “I need grandbabies and this is the first boy that Naruto has shown any interest in that likes her back.”

 

Wait, babies? They were twelve!

“They’re thirteen!” Minato choked, his legs flailing wildly. Was this really the Hokage? Or was his wife the one that wore the pants… no, she was wearing a dress and an apron. 

“I’m not talking about right now!” She growled. “I mean down the line! Like ten years! And so help me if you fuck this up because of your precious fatherly duties, I won’t be the only reason why we can’t have another child! You got that blonde?” 

Minato crossed his legs and nodded as fast as he could. “Yes, ma’am crystal clear!” 

“Good,” The woman dropped Minato to the ground, and all the menace that had surrounded her vanished in a heartbeat. She spun with a smile that could make flowers bloom, her hair now the color of the sky at sunset fell into place neatly behind her back reaching to the back of her knees. “Now then, I’m Kushina Uzumaki, Naruto’s mom and wife of that one.” 

“Hello,” Gaara nodded taking a step forward. 

“Oooh!” Kushina skipped over to Gaara. Another person was able to touch Gaara. She took both of his hands and held them up. “You must be Gaara, right? Oh, you’re a redhead too! That’s it what do you say marry my daughter and give me lots of grandbabies?” 

Gaara looked up at Kushina blinking. 

This was it. He was going to say yes, and then Temari would slam her head into the wall until things made sense. 

“No,” Gaara said simply. “I will not have children.” 

“Oh poo.” Kushina deflated all but throwing Gaara’s hands down. “Well, oh well as long as you make Naruto happy, Oh say I have an idea since you’re going to all be family one day why don’t you come over to our house for dinner once the exams are done.”

“Acceptable,” Gaara nodded. 

“That is,” A malicious aura fell over Kushina, engulfing the land and setting ablaze the very stone. “Assuming you survive.” 

She smiled and patted Gaara on the shoulder hard enough to make him grunt. “Oh I’m just teasing, I’m sure you’ll do great! After all, you have to be strong enough to protect my daughter right?”

Gaara nodded. 

Temari pinched her cheek, part of her was still desperately hoping that this would be some kind of bad fever dream and that Gaara basically didn’t just agree to marry the daughter of the Hokage. 

This whole plan was falling apart. They were literally going to fight a man that considered changing reality to be a hobby, the woman that he was afraid. Not to mention the fact that they now had Gaara on their side. 

Maybe she should just retire from being a ninja and learn to play flute.


	3. Unlaughably laughable.

Everything was at least 90% Naruto’s fault, with 20% going to both Sasuke and Naruto. Sure bad luck could explain at least some of what happened. But honestly, Naruto getting eaten by a giant snake was their tuesday at this point. It was like the death had a crush on the girl and was trying its hardest to give her every near death experience it could just so see the idiot. 

This left Sakura as the girls, body guard, healer, future hokage aid, and reluctant best friend smack dab in the middle of hating life. At least the job paid well, and came with benefits like life insurance that was probably going to be claimed by her parents in about five to ten minutes. 

“What the hell?” The noisy sound bitch screeched pointing at Sakura’s hair… Seriously that was what she was doing instead of basically killing her? Her name was Kin… more like bin for trash bin! God she was spending way to much time around Kushina. “They let little girls pretend to play ninja now? I bet you spend more time doing your hair than actually training.”

Okay, that was just plain rude. She like her hair, it was smooth as silk and didn’t look like dog shit. And what the hell was this bitch talking about? She had much long hair than her. “At Least I don’t crack the mirror.” 

In hindsight, she probably shouldn’t have said that. But A, she was running off of like three hours and four blinks. And two, she wasn’t going to go down like a bitch, okay she was but she wasn’t going to go down like an easy bitch. 

“What the hell? You wanna die bitch?” The girl pointed sewing needle or something at her. If possible she was even uglier like that. 

Sakura yawned, involuntary mostly, but hey might as well roll with it. “Yea sure, I don’t got anything better do to.” 

Well she did, but that stuff could wait until later. 

The woman screamed again. “Come on let’s teach this weak little bitch a lesson.”

That was the pot calling the kettle black, at least she didn’t need to fight a pink haired little girl three on one to feel good about herself. Now would be a really good time for Naruto or Sasuke to get off their asses and wake the fuck up. Sakura looked back, nope, Sasuke was still sleeping the sleep of the dead and Naruto looked like she was trying to fight Sasuke. “Guys…”

The noisy ninja charged at her, mummy-face, loud-mouth, and hypocritical cunt. Was she really going to die like this? She was far to smart and pretty to die here of all places. Again she blamed Naruto, honestly who gets eaten by a snake on a tuesday! That was such a wednesday thing. 

 

An entire beach fell from the sky, instantly burying the three sound ninja. “Sand burial, mass grave.” 

Sakura looked up and saw Gaara naruto’s boyfriend. Of like… three days. Or was it four? Not sleeping tends to ruin the passage of time. Gaara was basically a bear, a bear that somebody had woken up with a giant air horn in the middle of same damn good sleep. He was also crazy enough to become Naruto’s boyfriend three minutes after meeting. 

He might be kind of cute under all that sand and crazy. Still she better thank him. “Thank’s for the save Gaara, but Naruto’s…”

“Sup Cuddle Catus?” Naruto’s overly cheerful voice sounded right next to her. The girl was sitting on the ground, knees up front, heels behind her, hands pressed into the ground. She sat like a dork. 

Wait Cuddle Catus?

“Hello Snuggle Britches,” Gaara replied, ignoring Sakura as he moved towards Naruto, his resting bitch face taking on a slightly cheerful tint. 

“Wait, when did you wake up?” Sakura asked Naruto.

“When my boyfriend showed up,” Naruto looked at her like she was the crazy one. “What kind of girlfriend is asleep when her boyfriend shows up… hey are you okay? You don’t look to good.”

“Oh yea I’m fine, I just spent the last… long time making sure that you and Sasuke had a nice safe coma.” And she wasn’t even listening to her, now happily chatting with her boyfriend. 

They were talking in that weird way that crazy people did. Just staring at each other. An unblinking mile long gaze that left them both smiling… well Naruto was doing that thing where she showed off that she had four more teeth than other humans and Gaara was don’t that… not killing you thing. 

A match made in that corner of heaven nobody went to!

“Gaara!” Oh look the sane people were showing up. Temari, Gaara’s sane sister with more sand in her hair than a cat’s litter box, she at least seemed to be slightly smart. Even if she was a loud mouth that basically let it slip that the sand was going to try to invade the leaf with their allies. And Kankuro… he liked puppets. 

“There you are!” Temari came to a skidding stop along Gaara’s freshly made beach. Her worried expression fell when she saw Naruto. She blinked twice before smacking herself on her forehead. Yep, that was most people’s reaction to Naruto. “Of course you came out here to see your girlfriend.” 

“Temari, give me your bag.” Gaara droned, his voice like the noon sun in the middle of the desert, uncompromising and only induced suffering… Except for Naruto who seemed to bask in it like she was a cold blooded lizard. 

Temari was quick to surrender her bag, and took an extra step back. Gaara rummaged through it, pulling out two scrolls. An earth scroll and a heaven scroll. “Wait what are you doing Gaara?”

Gaara ignored her sister. And turned back towards Naruto holding one scroll in each hand. “Here, this are for you.” 

Okay, sakura was now very okay with Naruto’s new boyfriend. Actually, Gaara might be her new favorite person! “You’re giving us your scrolls?”

“No,” Gaara replied barely looking her way. “These are ones I obtained for my girlfriend as a symbol of our love.”

“Well I don’t want them!” Naruto stood up glaring at Gaara a small pout on her face. “It won’t mean anything if you just give me the scrolls!”

She then proceeded to flail at Gaara hitting the redhead on his shoulders. 

Temari looked like she was ready to piss herself, and Kankuro was praying. 

Gaara just took it in strides. “I don’t understand why are you hitting me? Do you want more? I have more?”

“That’s not the point you dummy!” Naruto screeched, flailing her arms faster now. 

“Naruto!” Sakura growled taking a step forward and taking the scrolls from Gaara. Before Naruto could make things worse, and Gaara take the scrolls back. “Honestly! He’s your boyfriend you should be happy that he at least thought to get you something!”

Naruto pouted, fortunately for the good of humanity, Kushina had bestowed upon Sakura the almighty mother’s glare of dominance. One glance with this look could make Naruto read a book for at least twenty minutes. “Guh fine, I’m sorry I hit you Snuggle Wumps, you know I didn’t mean it.”

Snuggle Wump…?

“It’s my fault Honey Badger.” Okay that one wasn’t even cute. Honey badgers were rude crude creatures that literally did not give a fuck and were fearless to the point of stupidity. Okay maybe it was an accurate description of Naruto but that did not mean it was cute. Gaara shifted, slightly and extended a hand out towards Naruto, touching her cheek softly. “I should have thought of a better gift.” 

“Aww you’re the sweetest Teddy Weddy,” Naruto took Gaara’s hand and pulled him towards the the makeshift camp Sakura had constructed, at least it was technically beach front property now. Just add water! “Come on, let’s go sit down while wait for my lazy teammate to wake up.”

“Okay,” Gaara mumbled, his face actually turning a shade of red. Oh so he wasn’t an unfeeling psychopath. 

It was actually super adorable the way Naruto pulled him down next to her and placed his head in her lap so that she could run her fingers through his hair. While Gaara laid their motionless, eyes wide, face red, the smallest twinge of a smile pulling at his lips. 

“I have no idea how she does it,” temari gasped groaning into her hand looking ready to give up on basically everything. “She must be Konoha’s secret weapon or something.”

“Yep, that pretty much sums up Naruto,” Sakura stood next to Temari smiling, hands behind her back in that non threatening way girls had. “She does the opposite of what you think’s going to happen, expect her to succeed and she fails in the most amazing way, expect her to fail and she ends up ruining a really badly planned invasion.”

“You know?” Temari gasped wide eyed. 

“Well I mean… yea… Minato’s known for like… three weeks.” That was a lie, Minato found out when she told him. But nobody ever believes that a pink haired little girl could go unnoticed. Somethings were easy when the writer doesn’t describe the entire scene and who’s in the room. 

Temari cried and hung her head. “Do you think it’s too late to switch sides?”

“I’m sorry, we’re not currently hiring right now.” Sakura pointed towards Naruto. “But, your brother is has both of the Hokage’s weaknesses in his hands. So who knows.”

“Both?”

“Miss Kushina adores other redheads.” Which unfortunately was why Sakura was picked to be Naruto’s… lifelong babysitter. “And well Naruto is obvious.” 

Laughter broke out from the clearing, as Gaara was now tickling Naruto mercilessly with small men made out of sand. 

“They’re almost so cute it hurts.” 

Sakura just nodded, “I kind of wish I could get a boyfriend that I could be cute and adorable with.” 

“Yea, it’s enough to make you jealous.” Temari gulped, “Say you wouldn’t happen to play the flute do you?” 

“Nope,” Sakura said with a bit of extra pop. “Why?”

“Well for some reason when ever I feel a sense of dread or jealousy over the whole them deal.” Temari gestured towards the perfectly insane couple. “I get the feeling that i’m going to fall in love with a pink haired flute playing women.”

“I’ll be sure to never learn a wind instrument.” There were many things that Sakura Haruno was, attracted to blondes was not one of them, otherwise she’d have a crush on Ino or god forbid Naruto. Oh, and she liked boys… probably, Sasuke might make a pretty girl. “Is everybody from your village this weird?”

“There’s nothing to do there but die of thirst, and play in the sand. What makes we’re fresh out of sanity.”


End file.
